1/16/18

10 BOOKS THAT I WANT TO READ DURING 2018


Women as Lovers by Elfriede Jelinek

Indignation by Philip Roth

Slow Man by John Maxwell Coetzee

Traveling on One Leg by Herta Müller

Karl Ove Knausgård's My Struggle trilogy

Neapolitan Novels by Elena Ferrante

Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf

4 3 2 1: A Novel by Paul Auster

A Taste of Chlorine by Bastien Vives

Something I've Been Meaning to Tell You: 13 Stories by Alice Munro

1/15/18

TAKING ALL MY PATIENCE, ALL MY HOPE

Every day, you take little pieces of me.
And then, it only remains despair.

OUR BRAINS

Sometimes we despair.
Sometimes we cannot hold our tears.
Sometimes our brains torture ourselves.

1/4/18

VISITING THE JAPAN HOUSE #1






YOU

I do not want you anymore
because I do not want it as I was wanting.

I do not want as I had been waiting.

EXPERIENCES

Years of difficulties have built a strong feeling.
A feeling composed of experiences, by our experiences.

It is not an exact equation.
We cannot expect it from someone else.

We cannot repeat it.
We cannot live it again.

1/3/18

DISAPPOINTMENTS

All our dreams and all our memories are nothing.
Now, it seems like feelings of remorse.

These empty tears are composing our days.
These suffer still persisting.

The reality of the abandonment of our hopes
is painful.

The reality of our lives
is deal with disappointments.

12/28/17

SUFFER

When I say, "the fire burns your skin",
it is totally different from feeling the flames burning your skin.

12/27/17

MY FAVORITE MOVIES OF 2017 #1

All the movies that I have chosen are about crucial aspects of our society, such as our fears, our values, our beliefs, our psychological conflicts, etc.

1. Mommy (2014) / http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3612616/


It is a beautiful movie about having hope when you are dealing with hard times. It can be triggering some mental illness. Be careful.

2. The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017) / http://www.imdb.com/title/tt5715874


It reveals a complex aspect of the human nature, our fear of the unknown. And how we have tragically acting to avoid it.

3. Julieta (2016) / http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4326444/


Julieta makes us think about the reasons for our actions. Can we act only by our values? Or have we been acting only by selfishness?

4. Thelma (2017) / http://www.imdb.com/title/tt6304046/


Thelma discus our relationship with our fears and freedom. It talks about how it can conduct us to a better relationship with a new reality.

5. It Comes at Night (2017) / http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4695012/


It is a movie about how our decisions are influenced by our feelings and about how it can make us suffer.

12/25/17

PAIN

How can we empathize with all the people around the world?
It is not difficult because every individual and every life are suffering.
We all are suffering.

Then, we share it.
We can recognize it.
We can feel it.

Somehow, we are all connected by pain.

12/24/17

SIMPLE

Life should be as simple as I cannot be.

FEAR

Feeling well does not means feel no fear.

ALL THE POSSIBILITIES

Our thoughts are made of all the possibilities that we have can think about.
If we think in one possibility, we are thinking about all of them.

When we think about a thing, immediately we are thinking about another one, as well.
When I think about a good possibility, insecurities can also appear.

12/18/17

I NEED TO HEAL

I am quitting all the hard and difficult activities,
I am interrupting it because I need to heal,
I need to heal myself.

12/15/17

MY FAVORITE ALBUMS OF 2017 #2

Knowing the structure of composition of an album, it is possible to relate to it in many ways. I like to use it to think about some problems, to feel motivated, and to extract some pleaser. It works until I have totally exhausted it.

Sia - 'This Is Acting'



You can't trust your head
When you're standing on the edge

It is an album dense. It is composed of several emotional issues and Sia sings it with deep emotion.

Marilyn Manson - 'The Pale Emperor'


You're a paper doll
I fold you how I want
You're not my news

I believe that this album can bring awareness about our autonomy and about how we think about it. It also talks about aspects of human nature, deconstructing it.

Lana Del Rey - 'Lust For Life'


I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sick of it
Lead me, baby
Come on, come on
Come on, come on

Here, we have a theme and an atmosphere. The album is a mix of emotions. I like how it has been exposed to between all lyrics. It seems real.

Nirvana - 'Nirvana'


I need an easy friend
I do, with an ear to lend
I don't think you fit this shoe

To think about the hard aspects of our life.

Amy Winehouse - 'The Collection'


Now how can he have her heart
When it got stole
So he tries to pacify her
'Cuz what's inside her never dies

These sad songs show to us that life is more complex than a romance.

12/14/17

MY FAVORITE ALBUMS OF 2017 #1

When I started to listen to an album, for me it is similar to a talk with a friend. I want to understand each aspect of it, and also I will stay thinking about it for a long time.

My list of 2017:

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - 'Skeleton Tree'



I called out, I called out
Right across the sea
But the echo comes back empty
And nothing is for free

It is an album about loss, and about the anguishes of life.

London Grammar - 'Truth Is a Beautiful Thing'



Well I never prayed but tonight I'm on my knees, yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognizes pain in me, yeah

I let the melody shine let it cleanse my mind I feel free now

It is interesting to listen to people with similar age, talking about our contemporary problems. The voice of Hannah is beautiful, it always calms me down.

Pascal Pinon - 'Twosomeness'



These last days you’ve lost the count of lines that you have crossed
When searching for a solid ground, but in this world you’re lost
You want to cry but there are no tears cause you know how silly it would be
The good and bad things are slowly beginning to make a little sense

It is a pleasure to think about the lyrics of it. I always feel hope listening to it.


Nirvana - 'MTV Unplugged In New York'




I can't see the end of me
My whole expanse I cannot see
I formulate infinity

Stored deep inside me

When I want to feel related to the anguishes of life.

Radiohead - 'A Moon Shaped Pool'



Dreamers
They never learn
They never learn
Beyond the point
Of no return
Of no return

Another album about loss, and about hope.

12/11/17

LONELINESS

Maybe, our best friends are the ideas that have been supporting us through life.

12/8/17

ANXIETY

You were here
and leave.

You have a life.
When mine is it.

You had been occupying a space.
Now, I am noticing it and dealing with nothing.

12/2/17

LIFE

What is life? It is a bunch of mixed feelings.

11/30/17

TIME

Wrinkles in the face
and a worried expression.

11/14/17

COMPETITIVE SOCIETY

We live in a very competitive society. Even our hobbies are composed of it. We try to defeat our colleges, our friends, our family. Our looking for approval grows every day.

Our routines are full of pressure, and all of us want to be valued for our accomplishments. Make mistakes are badly seen, and our actions have been guided by guilty. There is not enough amount of achievements capable of appeasing ourselves.

Inffortunally, the intensity of it will not end or reduces its occurrence.

We always can be aware of its negative side, of how we struggle and suffer trying to perform it all the time. We also can stop of establishing competition as a necessary aspect of our relationships or even like as a premise of the value of others.

Developing specific abilities requires from us time and patience. We need to understand it. If we need to conquer a high efficiency in certain activities, we will need to have stamina.

Competition and how people see us do not define ourselves, but our strength to be our best self.

11/13/17

IMMEDIATELY

In certain circumstances, we see life only by its negative side. We focus and put all of our energy to escape from it, from what we imagine dangerous.

It is only a huge problem because it worries us and also because we want to fix it immediately. Knowing it, we can try to be focusing and acting to accomplish our plans and goals and to be valuing our qualities, instead of fearing it.

Our fears can become immense if we only act to defeat it, avoiding it. Tell to ourselves our possibilities and seeing reality without the bias of our preoccupations, can always reduce our struggles, directing us to our goals.

We can think more about our futures, nothing seeing it by our imagined obligations.

COMPATIBILITY

All my values are meaningless for you.

11/10/17

ANGUISH

What is life?
It is the process of being replaced
and of replacing the people.

11/9/17

ALMOST ALL THE TIME

How life can be so hard?

11/8/17

TINY

We only need a new point of perspective.
A tiny new perspective to make the present moment viable.

11/7/17

DESPAIR

There are no limits to our suffers.
There are no limits to our happiness.
There are no limits to our endurance.
There are no limits to our hope.
There are no limits to our tears.

11/3/17

GUILTY

We should understand guilty as an advice.
We shouldn't be totally guided by it,
allow yourself to enjoy the moment.

NO LIMITS

When it is common have no limits.
When your routine is challenging.
When you have been feeling pressured by all these situations.

You need to pursue a path,
a path capable to worth it.
A path beyond all these circumstances.

11/2/17

FUNCTIONING

Good enough is never the term.
It is only about the circumstances.

It is about what we want
and about what we are focusing.

11/1/17

I NEED A TIME

Even experiencing the hardest situations,
I want to stay with you.

Even when I said
that I needed a time.

10/31/17

EXISTENCE

Your presence only makes visible
the distance between us,

our challenges
and our fragilities.

10/23/17

CHALLENGING PEOPLE/THE LIFE CHALLENGES #03

The problem:

I have been dealing with challenging people and doing it makes me feel exhausted. When you need to deal with it, your body anticipates stress, developing a painful system. When you need to monitor people, it is constantly.

And it is only one aspect of life. There are challenges and more challenges, each day.

My strategy to cope with it:

I am trying to developing compassion for everyone around me, focusing on the qualities and on the positive aspects of them. I am also trying to observe their lives, creating empathy for their struggles.

As a metaphor, I like to think that life is similar to climbing a mountain, or several mountains. In some of them, I am starting to see its top. There are ones that I am only beginning.

Patience is the key when you cannot change your environment, and also you can learn from it, turning pain to purpose.

But our bodies have limitations. We need to rest, we need pleasure, we need affection, we need attention, we need care, etc. All these aspects should start by ourselves, we can offer to us at least some of them, dedicating time to and thinking about our needs.

When the situations are extremely hard, we can think about take a break or ask for help.

10/21/17

SHE IS

Maybe, she is the desire, when I see her.
Maybe, she is the personality that I have been noticing.

Or even, she is a mirror
that hurts to see through.

She is all the hopes
and all the fears

that I am feeling,
that we feel.

10/18/17

SHARE YOUR FEELINGS

We use to hide our emotions and feelings behind images, behind our material goods, behind our social life, behind our career, etc. Then, we fantasy an inexistent social composition.

We fear to expose our insecurities, our doubts, our desires, etc. We fear it because it can be ridiculed. When we restrict our expression, we feel less comfortable to accept some feelings. We feel less capable of feeling related to it.

Socially, we have been facing a huge loss because there are fewer opinions around us.

When we share our feelings, we are able to analyze it, to understand it. It becomes natural, we do not feel ashamed or guilty. Again, sharing it can make we feel well because we can feel compassion for the people who feel the same and for ourselves.

Seeing it as a natural human quality makes us release our avoidance to stop it. Then, we can end our battle against it, allowing ourselves to feel empathy.

I am nothing saying that you should share your feelings with anyone, you need to feel secure doing it. I am just saying that it is normal, that it can benefit us and that avoid it can be cruel to yourself.

10/17/17

LONELINESS

I felt lonely during several times of the current year. The year not ended yet, but now, I expect no longer feel that way again.

I believe that my misinterpretation of friendships caused these loneliness feelings. I was expecting receive from it, much more than it is possible. I was waiting for receive meaning and purpose.

First, when you are craving for it, you can start a huge struggle process. Friendships can involve natural situations, but when you need to put many efforts on it, it becomes tiring or even frustrating. When you notice, you are involved in sad feelings.

People and company are incapable of providing our essential needs. We need to develop the ability to introduce into our lives topics as the impermanence, insufficiency and the uncertainty. No one can provide our lives with the meaning we need. Meaning is our relationship with our values, and it is not related to one person. Meaning is abstract, is a path.

Even the establishment of meaning is impermanent, insufficient and uncertain. Every day we are a new individual, we are continuously changing.

You can ask, what is permanent?

Having in mind our relationships, I can affirm that it is impermanent, insufficient and uncertain. By our experiences, everything known is, as well.

Then, accept it is comforting. All our struggles and suffers derives from deny it.

I feel happy only by seeing some people, but I do not expect that these people will fill up my soul.

What can we expect from people?

It is simple, and it will be related to the situation. If we are into a school room, we can expect help in determined activity. If we are building a family or a group, we can expect a friendly response, but it is not the answer of our lives.

The uncertainties are a part of ourselves, a part of our relationships. It is nothing beyond it.

10/16/17

REMEMBERING YOU

Yesterday, I was talking with a person. Today, I was trying to remember all the topics that we talked about. It seems natural to remember of it, but what I discovered is that we focus and restrict our attention in a few number of themes.

Today, I reconstructed our interaction, and only now I could put attention in other topics of our conversation.

It is interesting how we establish the themes that we will worry about. Analysing it now, I should be giving attention to more items when I was only remembering and focusing on 1 or 2 topics.

I remember the 2 more important ones, the other subjects are general ideas about her, about her struggles, emotional issues, some personal difficulties, conflicts with her family, work and career problems, etc.

I know that I could not remember everything that she said, but it is a great exercise. By doing it, I am feeling more close to her, I also avoid to restrict my opinion about her.

Now, I have much more information about many more topics.

I am feeling more closely and related with her problems. It seems we have much more in common.

10/15/17

ALL THE POSSIBILITIES

Nothing can rid, or save us from our pain, from our suffers. It always is a possibility, it always can happen to us.

From it, we can learn the importance of everything that composes ourselves and our lives. We can learn about how we have chosen.

The pain is here, and also the possibility of doing something enjoyable. All the options can be measured and interpreted by us with compassion.

10/14/17

ACTIONS

The pain caused by the challenges of life can be rough. It can make we feel depressed, hopelessness. It can be frequent and continuous.

But our response can release these hard feelings. When we understand and act to stop it, we feel refreshed.

Learning new ways to deal with pain and establishing tolerable limits to it are forms to reduce its effects. Stopping the pain is related to our actions. We need to cultivate and promote our wellness. We need to notice it, to then, be aware of its importance.

10/12/17

THINKING ABOUT HER

I have asked a person to go out, and she said that she is excited. Probably we will feel related to a few aspects of each other. Perhaps I will not be able to reach her expectations and her mine.

We will know and share a little part of the personality of each other. Part of all the experience will be frustrating. If we staying seeing each other, we will feel tired and disappointed.

It is interesting, how we measure only a feel aspects of reality.

The frustration and the happiness are the same for everyone. All these feelings are here and there. We do not have to identify ourselves it with. It is not an obligation.

I do not need to remember these hard feelings or be following it.

I can just enjoy the moment, in its full possibilities!

VISITING A GALLERY













10/10/17

STOPPING THE PAIN

Generally, we try to fill up the instability of our lives searching for affection, relationships, power, attention, friends, etc. When all these aspects can instead of it, bring us more pain and sadness. All these aspects can disappoint us. It can really disappoint us.

I am not saying that you should be isolated or feel isolated.

We need people, but only observing they we can provide our needs. We shouldn't expect that people can fill our souls. Anything can do it!

We need to start to think about impermanence, insufficiency, and inconstancy of everything.

It is natural, and if we attempt to analyze how inefficient is try to avoid it, we will see it more clearly. How many times you put your soul to accomplish something to then feel empty?

I am only saying to establish a real relationship with yourself, with reality.

We will still be feeling sad sometimes, but less sad.

We need to admit to ourselves these limitations. It is scary, but we can do it step by step.

10/8/17

PRESSURE/THE LIFE CHALLENGES #02

The problem:

We live in a very competitive and judgemental society. We need to deal with high levels of pressure. In certain circumstances, I ask myself, how we reach this point?

We are consistently rated by numbers, opinions. All our behaves are analyzed, every aspect of life is problematized.

Living a measurable life is tiring.

Our lives become a rant process.

My strategy to cope with it:

I understand how these ways of behaving have a place in our world, yet it is exhausting.

I have been thinking, asking myself when, where and how these feelings appear? Generally, it came up when I am tired, after a hard day. Then, it can be normal to feel that way in these days.

Also, I can avoid reaching my limits because it does not whort it. Another step is trying doing not the activities because of others. I need my time, I need my own motivations.

And the hardest aspect of it, I need to resist to my fears, elaborating efficient strategies to deal or to reduce it. It is not a case to expose myself to it, but to solve the situations and to do it, I can think in many different ways, choosing the less scariest one.

10/4/17

GIRLS/TV SHOW REVIEW

Girls is a tv show that deconstructs stereotypes about the woman. These girls are close to the real-life problems. They need to deal with their careers, with their emotions, with their relationships and also with their own lives.


An essential point of the tv show is how their bodies are retracted. Instead of showing stereotypes, the tv show shows natural bodies. Nudity is also common. These group of girls is not special only by being girls. None of the woman aspects establish it per si during the show.

Maybe, as negative aspects I could define, the substantial sentimental volatility, the poor relationships choices of her and the low control about their careers. These girls have no control, they are not aware of their options, at all.


They are only living without a plan, without goals. Even if they are in transition to the adult life, the hard times does not mean maturity still. Man is also a problem, they are stereotyped continuously by sexuality, power or by a significant lack or porpoise.

Girls can show to us a life composed of real issues, and it can represent a relief to our expectations about it. These naked girls are struggling to make sense of it when their experiences are not enough yet. When they are growing as a person.


5/5

9/29/17

WHAT IS LIFE?

Life is the process of learning about our possibilities. With time we need to abandon some dreams. To then, pursue the more plausible ones.

TIRED

Sometimes, I feel tired, tired of the aggressive behavior of people. It is tiring the indifference, the impatience, and the sarcasm.

These have been a constant way of behaving, reflected by our society.

Maybe, the high levels of depression and anxiety are a consequence of it, at least in part. Loneliness and the fear of being ashamed are stopping us to connect with people.

Actually, kindness or even affection can be confused with taking an advantage from the people we care about.

I am exhausted.

9/24/17

GOODNIGHT MOMMY (2014)/MOVIE REVIEW



Goodnight Mommy is an excellent mystery movie, it also contains supernatural elements. The film is entertaining and questioning, without boring or tiring the spectator.


My analysis (with spoilers):

The story of the movie talks about freedom, it talks about how we can establish a tyranny exigency when we are dealing with expectations related to people who we love.

The mother of the two boys are imprisoned by their expectations, they need that she behaves in the exact way that they expect, and when it does not happen, they start to act like torturers.

How we respond when people contradict our emotional needs?

The scene of the mother going into the forest is revelating. It reveals how free she wants to be. She takes her clothes off, and leave the exigencies of her children.

The end of the movie tells us about how our environment put pressure on ourselves, and it means our adequacy to it, instead of our liberty from it.


5/5

Trailer:


9/21/17

ELEPHANT PARADE






Last week, I went to the mall, and I saw these statues about the awareness of the elephant conservation.

9/15/17

IT IS NOT EASY/THE LIFE CHALLENGES #01

The problem:

I have been putting myself in an arduous routine. It makes me feel unstable and insufficient. Next month, I will be integrating into it two more exigences, two more disciplines to study.

Since I have started it, I am feeling pressed.

For example, now I am wondering if I will be able to put my best on these two subjects. Putting my best means try harder, when I am tired and insecure.

It is not easy to manage it.

My strategy to cope with it:

I have been thinking about what it will cost me and for so long. Stablishing it, I could determinate that it is a temporary condition. It will require from me 2 or 3 years.

And I always can rethink it, by setting new measurable goals.

I still pondering how I can deal with the hard aspects of it, with the stress that it is causing me. I shouldn't stop to do the fun activities of my routine.

And yes, I need to stop of attempting myself into unnecessary and stressful paths, being less insistent.

Also, I need to do it having compassion for myself.
 
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